Dating Tips: May 2014

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

How To Grow Your Masculine Balls Back Part 2 Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/ange-fonce/how-grow-your-masculine-balls-back-part-2#ixzz30vwpRXoS

The "Nice" Guy Syndrome That Just Kills Attraction and Masculinity.

In this second article (following on from part 1)I deal with the dreaded "Nice Guy Syndrome" that eventually kills attraction with a woman and takes away your "Masculine Balls" as a MAN!
Jack sent an e mail to me, unfortunately this type of e mail turns up in my inbox often... a guy who "thinks" he has done everything right... is being the "Nice" guy and the women he is with leaves him for another man... sad and true... in the "Mating Game"... Mr Nice Guy so often ends up the loser.

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Jacks E Mail...
"Hey, Ange I've been dating a girl, Kelly, for the past three years. I did everything I could to be the best boyfriend possible. I was totally faithful. Whenever she had a problem, I was there to listen. I stopped hanging out with buddies of mine that she thought were bad influences. (One guy she complained was just too cocky for her taste) When she moved to London for work, I even left my job and moved with her. I pretty much rearranged my whole life around hers.Well, last week she dropped a bomb on me. She told me she was leaving me for another guy. When she told me who it was, I couldn't believe it. The guy's name is Steve and he's an arrogant jerk. He's also one of the big player. I think it's only a matter of time before he cheats on her and she comes back to me, but in the meantime, I'm confused and miserable. Is it really true that nice guys finish last?"
Jack P... London
When I work with a man, I discuss the concept of REAL primal attraction and how most men have NO IDEA of how to truly attract women on a deep, lasting, level.
With Jack, it sounds like his girlfriend liked certain things about him... yet did not have her LOCKED IN with the powerful type of attraction I am talking about... she took him for granted, and when a more attractive option came along, she jumped ship.
The thing is that ALL men have the ability to make themselves attractive to women.
And it does not have to do with looks or money... it is about displaying powerful Masculine behaviour.
See, the vast majority of women are wired to want to be with Masculine Man.
They need the sense of stability, security and strength that an Masculine Man provides... and I am not talking about physical strength.

More from YourTango: Why You Attract Who You Attract

As I have explained before in many articles I have writen in "The Intimate Communion Magazine," showing EMOTIONAL strength is far more important, and hugely attractive to women.
In fact, Rule 1 is to "Master Your Emotions."

How To Turn Him On: 4 Common Traits Real Men Desire In A Woman Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/david-wygant/4-common-traits-real-men-desire-woman#ixzz30vwdGKEC

If you want to become the kind of woman that drives men crazy, make sure you have these 4 traits.

I've always said that there's no one woman that all men desire. A woman one man falls head over heels in love with, will probably turn another man off. That said, there are some common traits and characteristics most men desire in a woman. In fact, I'll rephrase that. There are several traits real men desire in a woman.
First, let's just be clear on the difference between real men and "man-babies." A real man will return your calls and texts. He's emotionally mature. He's not afraid to talk about his feelings, and he doesn't panic when you talk about commitment.

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He's a man who doesn't play games, and doesn't expect you to play them either. He's the man that will hold your hand, and cuddle with you on the couch without pushing himself on you, because he's in control of himself sexually. He's the kind of man most of my women readers talk about wanting to meet. So, what are the common traits the real man wants in a woman?
Let me reveal all. There are others, but these are the big 4:

He wants you to be playful. Dating should be fun, and men want to have a relationship with someone they can have a laugh with. Nothing turns men off quicker than a drama queen. There's nothing worse than a woman who thrives on some kind of drama or crisis in her life. Real men want women to connect with them on a playful level. Remember in many ways, men are like big dogs. We love to play, and we love to embrace our inner child. So don't take yourself too seriously, and be open to the fun life has to offer. It's all around you. You just need to let yourself go.
He wants you to have emotional maturity. Sometimes in life things don't go right, and in every relationship, there are going to be bumps. A real man looks for a woman who doesn't turn into an emotional wreck the second there's a problem. I can't stand seeing a woman throw a temper tantrum in the middle of an argument, and neither can most other men. It throws up a huge relationship red flag for us. We want to know that if there's anything that needs to be discussed, we can sit down calmly and quietly and talk things through, without worrying whether you're going to throw a vase at our heads!
He wants an independent woman. Don't be fooled by the myth that men don't like modern women who have strength and power. Obviously, we don' want a woman that's going to bust our balls or treat us like children, but we like knowing you're in control of your own life. We like knowing you have your own friends, and that we don't have to take control of every tiny detail of the relationship. Just don't make the mistake some women make, of not letting the man have the lead at all. We like to feel needed and wanted. Let us come and fix things at your house now and then. We love to play the knight in shining armor sometimes.
He wants sexual confidence. Men want to know you're sexually alive. We want to feel like you have your sexual energy turned on, and that you have plenty of sexual confidence. Don't get me wrong, you don't need to be a nymphomaniac, but don't be afraid to let loose and have fun in the bedroom. If you're enjoying yourself, let your man know. Scream, shout, and call his name if he's doing something you like. Men love affirmation.

So there you have it...4 traits that men desire in a woman. Remember, all men are different and no one woman is ever going to be right for every man out there, but make these 4 traits part of your life, and you’ll rarely be without an eager, loving man by your side!

More from YourTango: You Asked, He Answered: How Do I Tell If He's A Sex Addict?

More advice on how to turn a guy on from YourTango:

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How To Finely Know What Men Want

This one crazy secret that will make figuring men out like shooting fish in a barrel.

Since the caveman days women have been asking each other and trying to figure out what men really want? Only if figuring out men was as easy as discovering fire there wouldn’t be any question to what men wanted right?
Men make things so damn hard….

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You try everyday to make them happy, attract the right guy in your life, and nothing seems to work…
What is it that makes a man tick?
How can any woman know what a man want’s? and when his heart over?
Wouldn’t you love to know what makes a man be attracted to a woman? Guess what it’s not your but or how big your breast are…
Men often give off the signs that looks are that matters, but looks don’t last for men when it comes to a long term relationship…
If looks were the only factor everyone would be broken up in a matter of weeks going out looking for the next one..
If you truly want the secret to what men want, you gotta know this one trick….
Click Here To See It
Men are confusing, but once you learn this one trick that turns a man in to a gushing love machine for you then he will be yours forever.

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This secret is like shooting fish in the barrel, it’s so powerful that you could almost point out any man in a room and make him desire you….
Get The Secret Here

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/how-can-i-jack-montgomery/how-finely-know-what-men-want#ixzz30vwWKepm

How To Grow Your Masculine Balls Back Part 3

Understand Yourself - Your Masculinity - AND Women

I will start this article with a story.
Open, Carry, Kill!

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She stood by the sink, struggling with a jam jar. I noticed, walked over, took it gently from her hands and with a soft, sharp pulse, loosened the top... and for this, she kissed me.
Women speak with their bodies better than we do, and what she was saying was...
“I’m glad you’re here.” And… “I’m glad you are a man.” ”I love men” ”I feel taken care of.” ”I feel complemented and completed and safe.”
To us, doltish men that we are, it was just a stupid jar... yet it is in the smallest gestures of service that we often make our value felt.
Whenever I am asked to open a jar, carry a heavy box or kill a mosquito, I marvel at the subtle dynamics that go on between the masculine and feminine.
No matter how competent, strong or professional a woman may be, there is always a subtle sexual gratitude that happens in these moments - as if for a moment, we are quietly returned to our core sexual essences.
Male - Female... Masculine - Feminine.
Now, here is where it gets fun and more interesting... women like to joke about it, that this exactly what men are good for... opening, carrying and killing.
So, recently, I found myself wrapping my arms around a woman who said this, looking into her eyes and reframing her comment...
”That’s right. I’m here to open your life to new experiences. I’m here to carry your burdens when you need a strong shoulder. And I’m here to help you kill your little self so you can live as the fullest, most expansive and loving self possible.”
Her whole body relaxed into mine as she seemed to breathe out a lifetime of burden.
“I like that,” she cooed.
And (you will not be surprised here) – I liked THAT.
Raise your expectations of the gifts you bring women, and they will see you with a more deeply appreciative eye.
We, as men ARE here to serve the feminine open... to allow them to open into the love that they really are, providing them a rock of trustability and steadiness... we allow them to open into new adventures by being a guide, by living boldly and by making the world safe before them.
We carry their burdens — which may seem so heavy to them, and so momentary and light to us (especially when they feel socially slighted by another, or unloved in some way)... when we are doing our job right, we bring them back to their core worth.

More from YourTango: Why You Attract Who You Attract

And we do kill.
Yes, mosquitoes... and when we are living with enough breadth and perspective and depth, if we are bigger than the moment’s concerns, bigger than the immediate circumstance, bigger than our own piddling little egos and out momentary needs - when we kill the smallness in ourselves, we give life to the breadth and joy of our women.

How To Be Honest With A Man

Can you really tell a man everything on your mind? Yes, as long as you know these critical elements.

Can you really tell a man everything on your mind — even the not-so-pretty stuff? And can it bring you closer together? Yes ... as long as you know these critical elements about how to communicate with him first.
Has a man ever told you of some plans he had to hang out with his friends, or travel somewhere by himself for whatever reason, and you pretended to be perfectly okay with it because you didn't want to seem "needy?"
But then later, when he came back ... BAM!

All those hurt, angry feelings came out, he withdrew, and then there's a wedge between the two of you. You might conclude that you can't be honest with a man, when in reality a little tweaking in terms of timing and delivery can make all the difference ...
Stop Avoiding The Issue And Start Speaking Up
Here's something you may not know about men, or even agree with, but it's true ...
A man absolutely wants you to be honest and straightforward with him.
This is what men like so much about the way they can communicate with each other. And, in fact, it drives them nuts when you aren't open and direct.
If they are planning something that you don't agree with, they want you to let them know at the start — as soon as possible — before it becomes a bigger issue or concern.
Here's the beauty of telling a man what you think early on: it allows you to communicate in a way that's less combative and negative than it would be if you were to have it fester in your mind for a while.
Understand The Real Reason He Gets Upset With You
Men don't "automatically" get upset when you let them know how you feel about something. They get upset when they see that YOU are upset.
See, for most men, when a woman tells them something that isn't great about their relationship, men take it very personally. He'll instantly feel like you are blaming him — even though you might not be.
Learn How to Be Honest With A Man
Why? Men like to think and believe that the woman they're with respects them and sees them as a great man. So when a woman shares something that isn't "perfect," a man will take it as you thinking that he is not good enough — and not just that something happened in your relationship that can easily be changed or improved in the future.
To stop this cycle of a man feeling criticized, or like he doesn't please you, you first need to find a "safe space" before you talk and share your feelings with him. Here's how to do it ...
Create A Safe Space For Both Of You To Open Up
By "safe," I mean telling a man that what you think, feel ,and need will not jeopardize your connection, but instead make it stronger.
Here’s your action plan: sit down with him today at some time when you're both settled and relaxed. Then tell him that you respect his feelings, and that you appreciate the way he respects yours. (If you don't believe this right now, simply the act of communicating these words will have a profoundly positive effect on him and actually help create more respect and appreciation — because you get what you give!)
Then explain that communicating as early as possible and allowing that safe space to tell each other how you really feel and that you need to be open and honest with each other in the moment is crucial to your happiness — yours and his.
What you're doing here is essentially agreeing together to accept and allow for each other's real feelings — regardless of whether they happen to please the other person in that moment. This kind of real and authentic honesty is the first step, and the one and only path to a real, secure, and lasting relationship where both partners know that their feelings are heard and respected.
If you've ever wanted to know what a man really thinks about dating and commitment, subscribe to Christian's free e-newsletter. He'll reveal the kind of qualities a man can't help falling for in a woman and what it takes to make him give up his "single" freedom for the love of just one woman … for the long term.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/christian-carter/love-relationship-dating-advice-how-be-honest-man#ixzz30vwBQh5e

Want To See Him Again? Consider Understanding How He Thinks

What can you do in the first few dates with a man to make sure he keeps asking you out?

Is there anything you can do in the first few dates with a man to make sure he keeps asking you out? Absolutely! Christian Carter gives you a shortcut into the male mind and shows you how to use this information to make the most of those early encounters.
There you are, sitting in front of a new man you're seeing. Maybe you're on your third date with him, and you're wondering what he's thinking. The chemistry's good, the conversation is effortless, and you feel like this is the start of something really special. And it definitely could be—if you keep a few things in mind about how men approach dating.

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Understand That His Pace Is Different Than Yours
When it comes to dating and commitment, men usually operate on a much different—and slower—time scale than women. Sure, you may meet some guys who will "signal" you out and make their intentions clear with you very quickly. But what you'll normally encounter is that men take longer to decide when to get serious with one particular woman.
At the beginning, a man is just getting to know you. He needs time to feel comfortable with you, let down his guard, and start seeing you as a part of his life. I know it's frustrating, but this is normal. Just keeping this in mind will save you a lot of angst when a guy isn't "moving things along" the way you think he should.
Avoid Jumping To Conclusions & Pushing Him Away
A lot of women don't approach early dates this way, though—they feel intense chemistry with a man, and they think "this is it." So, instead of merely enjoying those first few dates and being present in the moment, they're already acting like they're in a relationship. They're thinking about the future. I call this the "Instant Relationship"—it's what happens when you assume that you two are a sure item too soon.
Falling for the Instant Relationship works against you in several ways: First, it blinds you to potential red flags. When you narrow your focus to one guy like this, you end up committing yourself to him before you know important things about him. Second, a guy will sense that you have already decided he's the one for you, and he will feel an expectation to deliver when he might not yet be ready. He'll feel pressured, and he may withdraw. So what does that mean for you?
Follow His Lead & Get To Know Him
It means that the best thing for you is to do the very same thing a guy does. Use those first few dates to simply get to know if you like this guy and if he's right for YOU.
Taking your time like this is good for several reasons:

You get to make an informed decision about whether he's worth your time;
You prevent yourself from getting too wrapped up in a man before knowing if he is worth it; and
You protect yourself from getting your heart broken (if you're still checking him out and he breaks it off, you haven't yet determined if he was that great and worth the heartache, right?)

So, even though guys do weird things, this is one instance where you should follow a guy's lead. Treat those early stages of dating just like a man: take your time, have fun, and look out for you. And even if a guy does tell you he's ready to move into a more serious relationship quickly, your best bet is to slow things down in order to find out what this guy is really all about.
When you allow both of you the space to get to know each other without expectations and assumptions, you create the right conditions for a real relationship to develop. You'll be building a solid foundation of positive, shared experiences that will draw you closer and closer together.

More from YourTango: How To Know What A Man Is Really Thinking

If you've ever wanted to know what a man really thinks about dating and commitment, subscribe to Christian's free e-newsletter. He'll reveal the kind of qualities a man can't help falling for in a woman and what it takes to make him give up his "single" freedom for the love of just one woman…for the long term.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/christian-carter/what-makes-him-want-see-you-again-and-again#ixzz30vw1KAdK

How To Grow Your Masculine Balls Back Part 4 Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/ange-fonce/how-grow-your-masculine-balls-back-part-4#ixzz30vvpRVaP

The 7 Traits Of A Masculine Man

I am going to start this article by making a statement that I feel that ALL women need to listen too.
"That women are to encourage men to be Masculine - who they really are and not who women think they should be. This means women ARE to back off, and let MEN find and redefine OUR MASCULINITY in this CHANGING World and BALANCE between the Sexes!"

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And, for the men out there who have not got a clue who they are and what real women want and need, here goes my definition of Masculinity:
The Traits of a Masculine Man
Confidence...
TRUST in yourself, not only that you can do what you set out to do, and that you already are what you need to be (even if on the outside it does not yet show).
Everything begins with a thought... watch your thinking... there is a saying, it says, "as a man thinketh, so is he."
Becuase a masculine man is a confident man, even in the face of rejection and its aftermath so that it does not phase him and he moves on if necessary.
Are you a truly confident man has nothing to prove and in control of his life?
Courage...
Becuase a masculine man is courageous (I am not talking about being willing to do stupid stunts, either), willing to do what is necessary without showing weakness (even if you are scared to death.)
A man cannot be truly courageous and brave if he does not fear something... if a woman is carrying on and wanting to pick a fight, do not back down and run away (and do not fight either.)
Because a woman is not a child, will you run out the door if a child were throwing a tantrum or would you stay and handle the situation?
Responsibility...
Are you taking responsibility for what happens in your life and stop being a victim... being a victim is exactly what our society expects you to be... be who you really are intended to be - a leader and victor... make plans and carry them out... do not fear failure.
Someone once said, "If you show me a man who has never made a mistake, I'll show you a man who has never done anything."

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Will you refuse to be a victim no matter what you encounter... consider yourself as a "warrior" and victor in all of life's curve balls that come your way... change your plans if necessary, take charge of your life and where it goes...learn from the battles lost and go on to win success.
Discipline...

How To Become Addictive To Any Man

Finely Stop Being Overlooked By Men!! Get A Man's Attention At First Glance!!

What if the next time you were at your local coffee shop and that guy that comes in everyday that you check out very carefully would walk up to you and just ask you out on a date…. How would that make you feel?
Would you be so excited to know how to have that happen to you everyday you walked out of your house, have handsome good quality men chasing after you and wanting to take you out on more dates than you could ever imagine…

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Having this happen could lead to finding MR right, you know that (1) guy that you thought would never find you because all you seem to attract are those losers..
With this simple how to addict any man secret you can and will be attracting higher quality more handsome men then you can ever imagine.
You know those men you see everyday and say ya right they would never be interested in me, well now you're about to find out how it will feel to have those men walking right up to you and doing whatever it takes to ask you on a date!!
What to find out how this all works??
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You will be shocked at how great this little secret works, the best part about this, it requires no work on your part, no losing weight no wearing different clothes whatsoever.
You can now attract an addict more men to you than ever before just being yourself and doing what you do every single day!!
Now if you don’t have to change anything at all how come these men haven’t been hitting on you before???
That’s exactly what you're about to find out, what has been stopping these men you find so attractive and want to know from approaching you and making a move…
The secret is about to come out to the public and help every woman that is dealing with this problem.

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If you're one of those woman and you want to be more attractive to men, and grab a man’s attention more often then this secret was created for you and for you only!!!
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Love What You Do? What Guys Really Think Of… Your Job

Will your secretarial position the ad agency have him seeing stars in the supply closet after hours?

You choose your career path because of what inspires, delights and challenges you. It's what you're most passionate about or, at the very least, what you're most passionate about at this very moment. And your career choices say a lot about you; people base their opinion off of you by the profession you're in… including guys.
Does tenure as a kindergarten teacher make you sweet and cuddly in the eyes of your man? Or do lawyers really turn them on? Will your secretarial position at an ad agency have your guy seeing stars in the supply closet after hours? Surprisingly, we found that guys are paying more attention to your career choices than we'd ever thought.

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What do guys really think of teachers?
Jamel, 27, says that when he thinks of teachers, he thinks of his mom, but not in the way you’d expect. "My mom has been a kindergarten teacher my whole life — and I have so much respect for her. I know how physically and emotionally demanding that position can be. After bad and good days, she'd come home and still find time to hang out, laugh and provide for my three brothers and me. So dating a girl that's a teacher would be a huge bonus for me."
Ivan, 31, says that in his mind, he's picturing Veronica Vaughn, from Billy Madison. "Obviously I'd date a teacher," he says with a laugh. "Aside from that, I think they're great role models. They're obviously good with kids, which is important if you're looking to eventually make that life step."
Rob, 25, agrees. "I have a few friends that are teachers and the way they talk, love and think about their students 24/7 can be pretty training. Once you're a teacher, it's not something that you can turn off. You don't leave the office and suddenly you're back to you again. You're always teaching."
Thomas, 33, who's conveniently a teacher, says that he'd definitely be interested in dating someone involved in his line of work — especially knowing the struggles that teachers face today. "You want to be with someone who understands where you're coming from and who can relate to your struggles. A lot is happening in the teaching world right now and it sucks. It's really great to be with someone in this field that understands. Just date someone in a different district, though, so it's not awkward if you break up!"
What do guys really think of nurses?
"My mom and all of her friends are nurses," says Ryan, 28. "It's what me and my sisters grew up around — and it's something that I really admire. Whenever there's a problem, or if someone is sick, they're all there at a moment's notice. They understand the demands of the job are never over and when they hit close to home, they're supportive and unrelenting. It'd be amazing to marry someone like that, who's a walking medical dictionary and still comforting and kind."
Wes, 31, adds that, "Nurses carry the burden of being the caregivers in the hospital. They're not like doctors, who operate and then they're nonexistent. I had to have a major operation in my 20s and it was the nurses who saved me, definitely. Not only physically, but emotionally. They kept me happy and thinking positively. That said, I could just imagine how draining the job can be. I'd be hard to watch someone you love dealing with sick and dying people every day."
"Remember in the 30s and 40s when every man wanted to marry a nurse? They were like salvation from the wars; a bright light that kept you seeing straight. There's something special about that."
What do guys really think of writers and authors?
Evan, 26, only gave one warning: "You better be ready for an independent thinking and a free-as-hell spirit. Writers are awesome, creative and smart as hell, but they're tough. They always want more."
Adam, 29, agrees. "My girlfriend is a writer. It works because I'm a graphic designer, but it’s hard for us sometimes. She's so in her own box – so bogged down and deep in thought by characters and story lines and plots – sometimes it can be hard to reach her. I love her, obviously, but I think she’d agree with me that it's a challenge."
"Say what you want," Gavin, 33, says, "but writers make incredible lovers. They're so passionate."
What do guys really think of lawyers?
Joe, 29, says that one big turn off when it comes to lawyers is that you'll rarely see them. "My girlfriend in college was studying to be a lawyer and that job is literally nonstop. You don’t sleep, you don't eat, you really don't even breathe until your case is over and you’ve either one or lost. It's hard to be Number 2 to someone else's career."
Nathan, 26, adds that dating a lawyer doesn’t seem easy. "How would I ever win an argument?!"
What do guys really think of secretaries?
Living in a post-Mad Men era, it was interesting to see that guys had such different views when it came to women working in secretarial roles. Though they all smirked when I asked, like there was some general joke they all knew that I wasn't in on, their responses were honest and candid, which is surprising for a society that snubs the profession so low on the totem pole.
Freddie, 24, says that he has a few friends that are in secretary roles scattered around different places in New York City. "They're just trying to get a foot in the door," he adds. "They're working at the companies they want, just without the careers they wanted. I think they're just starting out."

Steve, 34, says that a few of his best friends in the 'burbs have wives that are secretaries. "In a city like New York, you just kind of think that a secretary is the beginning of a career, but out there, it's not. The hours are great; the job is a lot of managing and paperwork. They like it — so good for them."

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014213427/love-dating-career-working-what-guys-really-think-your-job#ixzz30vvbU0DD

Get A Headcount Of Your Swimmers From The Comfort Of Home

Say what?

Yes, it is official. The realm of sex and infertility has made a new breakthrough: you can now test the quality of your sperm at home.
There is a new, easy-to-use tool coming to market. TrakFertility was invented by researchers in the US and will be available as soon as next year. According to investors, the device is as accurate as a laboratory test and gives results within minutes. This means no more anxiety-filled trips to the fertility clinic!

"The market today is completely focused on females to monitor hormones, temperatures and so forth for peak fertility windows each month. But one of every five men has low-sperm counts that can impair conception," Greg Sommer, one of the founders of the startup company that developed this device said. "We want to help people conceive in a way never done before."
Sommer and his partner, Ulrich Schaff, came up with their idea while working at Sandia National Laboratories in California, where they developed a device to detect toxins and biological threats immediately when needed. Soon after, they founded Sandstone Diagnostics Inc. to develop the fertility-test kit.

Behold, there is more.
Sommer and Schaff are also working on a mobile app for men to study the results of the test and connect with physicians should they need further information or expert advice. It's all coming together!

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214618/sex-get-headcount-your-swimmers-comfort-home-TrakFertility#ixzz30vv2Kumj

Let's Get Twisted: I Tried The 'Passion Pretzel' — And I Liked It

No, this is definitely not a seasonal treat from Auntie Anne's.

Welcome to Sex Positions Road Test. Each week we'll try out a new move in bed (or somewhere else) and give you the real deal, awkward moments included. Have one you want us to try out? Tell us in the comments below.
I was a little confused about this position to be honest. It seemed almost impossible to gain any sort of momentum or thrusting in this odd little number. I wonder who thought of this one? This surely was cooked up in a time of complete and utter boredom. I love variety but I also like getting off. On the other hand, this position did have some other positives to offer; plenty of touching for both parties. Since J and I would be face-to-face and no one had to use their hands to support. Maybe this could be an appetizer before the real thing? We would soon find out.

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J and I got into this while watching a documentary about Pussy Riot on TV. I'm not sure if it was our fervor for unfairly imprisoned individuals or the spicy food we had earlier, but we were feeling very frisky. We started making out horizontal-style until I suggested that we try the Passion Pretzel.
J remarked, "I'd rather just have a real pretzel."
"You'd rather eat a pretzel than bone me?" I asked miffed.
"No silly, I'd rather do you. But I'd rather do it doggie style."
J. and I did the Passion Pretzel this morning. It started fairly organically. We were both in the kitchen when he came up behind me and kissed my neck. I turned around and we started to make out high-school dance style. Then he kissed his way down my body lifting my shirt as he went, until he was on his knees. I joined him on the kitchen floor. And that's when the idea for the Passion Pretzel popped into my head. (This is the good thing about doing a sex challenge. Everything that vaguely resembles a sex position becomes an opportunity. Hell, I've even found myself sitting on the subway or walking up the stairs at my manicure place, thinking, "Hmmm, J. and I could do the Couch Canoodle or Backstairs Boogaloo here." Then I catch myself and think, "Eww germs.")
I quickly described the Pretzel to J, and he was game. Though, frankly, I could have described any position and he would have been game. The boy was horny. Gotta love those morning hours!
We stripped and assumed the position. Then suddenly, as J. and I were pushing back and forth against each other, an image of me hooking up with The Coif popped into my head. I remembered this one time we had sex kneeling on the kitchen floor (though without the opposite legs up, like the Pretzel calls for). And I could not get it out of my head. I couldn't bear the thought of looking at J. so I started to kiss his neck. Then I couldn't bear the thought of not looking at J. so I pulled back and locked eyes with him.
But I kept thinking about The Coif. And I didn't even try that hard to stop. Ughhh. What's wrong with me? I got over him a long time ago and I'm so madly in love with J. But this really shook me.
Eventually I distracted myself by focusing on every little sensation, from the pressure of J.'s hands on my butt cheeks to his lips on mine and of course, to the way his pelvic bone was grinding against my clitoris. Ironically, this is what made the sex so hot. Just as J. started to come and thrust really hard against me, I had a really strong clitoral orgasm.
Putting aside my guilt (even if did teach me a good lesson about how to enjoy the moment and focus on the pleasure), the pose absolutely gets my recommendation. It was a great mix of feeling in control and feeling a bit dominated. And while J. couldn't get too deep, all that grinding felt so freaking good. Definitely a fun variation on standing up sex. Plus, I think it gave my thighs a workout.
P.S: J. promised me he wouldn't read the blog, which is why I feel comfortable spilling all of this ...

Have you ever thought of someone else while boinking your guy? Have you ever done it on purpose — fantasizing about a celebrity or an ex you miss? And if you had to choose to have only clitoral orgasms or G-spot orgasms, which would it be? Luckily we don't actually have to choose (thanks to the blended orgasm), but I'm just curious!

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214707/sex-stories-sex-positions-road-test-i-tried-passion-pretzel#ixzz30vuq92Qg

Sweet (And Sexy!) One-Liners Guaranteed To Turn Up The Heat

Who knew words could be used as foreplay?

Conversation as an aphrodisiac? You bet! As a Certified Communication and Relationship Coach, I'm always looking for ways to help couples connect—or reconnect—and in my research, I’ve discovered that certain phrases can turn up the heat in your relationship faster than you can rip each other’s clothes off.
Read on for sexy messages to text, tweet or email your lover, as well as sweet nothings to whisper in his/her ear. Then start talking and watch the sparks fly!

More from YourTango: Listen Up! Tips To Get Your Man To Hear You

Say this to her:

More from YourTango: Are You The Tortoise Or The Hare In The Bedroom?

Have I told you how incredibly sexy you are and how crazy you make me feel when we're making love?
I want to press my body up against yours so you can feel how excited I get when I'm next to you.
Cocktails are on me tonight, then I'm going to let my animal instincts take over and make mad, passionate love to you
I'm having a crappy day, but the thought of coming home to you and wrapping my arms around you makes everything.o.k. I worship you!
I was thinking tonight we should feed each other some dessert...something sweet that I could lick off your body. You in?
I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to softly kiss your neck while I gently explore your body with my fingertips. Wow, am I turned on!
I was just thinking about laying you on the bed and giving you a warm oil massage...followed by....hmmmm...we'll just have to see.
Take a hot bath and wait for me in bed. I'm going to let my fingertips travel up and down your body, begin kissing you, and then show you how much I love you.

Say this to him:

I bought something special for you today, but I can only wear it in the bedroom!
Meet me at ______ restaurant around 6:00 PM. I'll be the sexy one sitting at the bar. Maybe I'll let you pick me up.
Have I told you lately how proud of I am of you and how amazing you are to me and the kids (if applicable)? I think you deserve a treat tonight.
Tonight I made your favorite dinner. The candlelight and music should give you a clue as to what's for dessert.
I have these three sexy outfits but can't quite decide which one you'd rather take off of me later....help me decide!
I'm really feeling sexy tonight....any ideas on how you and I can take care of that? BTW, something naughty might be nice.
I've decided you need a good back massage tonight....what I'm thinking about doing to your front, however, is what’s really turning me on.
Sorry you're having such a bad day. Let me ask you this: Does the thought of having crazy monkey sex with me tonight help at all? Just checking.

Have any lines to add? Leave a comment and share your secrets!

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/coach-todd-reed/one-liners-guaranteed-turn-heat#ixzz30vuf9kWv

Are You Having Sex As Much As Other Couples Your Age? Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214335/are-you-couple-having-sex-much-your-peers#ixzz30vuVaaNE

Do you and your partner fall behind? Are you average? Or are you overachievers?

After the honeymoon phase of a relationship wears off then a couple tends to decrease how much sex they're having. It's normal. You get used to each other, and you find other things to do that gives you the same amount of pleasure without any physical effort (ahem, Netflix marathon anyone?) But this also may cause some insecurity in the relationship. Are you as a couple doing it less than other couples your age? Does your new sex schedule mean that you both aren't pleasing each other as much as you should? Also is it normal that perhaps only one person in the relationship is reaching an orgasm in bed?
According to this infographic from Happify, the happiest couples have sex 2-3 times a week. Now a doctor is agreeing with this fact — but he breaks down even further the average amount of love making among couples into different age groups.

Dr. Harry Fisch, an urologist from New York Presbyterian Hospital tells Daily Mail that the average couple in their 20s has sex every 1-3 days. Of course when people get older they don't have as much time or energy to do the deed, so the average drops, but not by much. People that are 30-50 years-old make love twice a week. Dr. Fisch claims that married couples that are 50 and over still like to get their groove on once a week.
Of course, these are just the average times of average couples. If you and your partner fall short or end up having sex more than this, but are still happy then don't feel like you have fix what isn't broken. Every individual has a different libido and as long as you and your partner are on the same page then good for you. Go back to simply baking cookies, binge-watching Game Of Thrones or whatever you both rather do together instead. There is however one common problem among couples that this doctor brings to light.

A lot of women are still being left unsatisfied however according to Dr. Fisch. He says that many men end up falling short of pleasing their ladies because of timing.
Dr. Fisch claims that 45 percent of men orgasm within two minutes of penetrative sex. That would be fine if it took that long for women to orgasm, but Dr. Fisch says this is too short since women take 5-7 minutes to orgasm. If you or your man is running into this problem, then have no fear. Our experts have 10 tips on making him last longer through different kinds of foreplay.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214335/are-you-couple-having-sex-much-your-peers#ixzz30vuYAifQ

The Med Student Auctioning Off Her Virginity Reveals Her Identity Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214800/sex-medical-student-auctioning-virginity-reveals-her-identity#ixzz30vuOdVH0

Another student joins the virginity auction craze, but will it cost her career?

Higher education is already pretty expensive, but if you are majoring in something that will take much more than the average four years then you should be ready for some hefty college loans. One med student, however, has a certain financial plan that will definitely help cover some of that cost, but is certainly raising a few eyebrows. This blonde 27-year-old plans on auctioning her virginity on a website.
This certainly isn't the first woman to do such a thing, but the fact that she is a med student is surprising. At first she hid her identity by hiding her face from photos and dodged questions that would reveal who she is. Now the med student is revealing who she is by doing an interview with the Huffington Post.
Find out what the top listed bid for her virginity is, why she tried hiding her identity at first, and if the med student feels that her medical career could be threatened by the bold move by clicking the link to the article below.

How Can I Have The Best Sex Of My Life?

Many of us settle for mediocre sex when we don't have to. It's said that the largest sex organ is your brain; as there is a direct link between better sex and an emotional connection, why do we choose to accept anything less than the best when it comes to relationships?
YourTango Experts Lou Paget, Marty Klein, Stephanie Buehler, Lori Limacher and Dawn Michael help you get out of your own way by revealing foolproof tips and tricks that will help you have the best sex of your life.

More from YourTango: Has The Sex In Your Relationship Just Gone Bad?

Whether you want to bring back that spark into your relationship or prefer flying solo, these solid tips will aid you in perfecting your moves both in and out of the bedroom.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/love-sex-dating-how-can-i-have-best-sex-my-life-video#ixzz30vuIJWo3

Our Kid Saw Us! 6 Ways To Not Let This Ruin Sex Afterwards

Here's the damage control you need — stat.

So everything finally fell into place. You both got the kids fed, washed and in bed. You both are not too tired to get down. You finally get things started and suddenly you hear a small child at your door.
Although your initial reaction is probably horror you must remember something. We have all been there! We were either that one child that has been awoken by our parents' love-making only to walk in on a confusing scene or we have been the parents who have forgotten to lock the bedroom door. The good news is that your child will bounce back from this. You may assume that the bad news will be that this embarrassing act of being caught will end love making for the night, but that's not true!
There are six ways to get the mood back into your room so your night doesn't have to be ruined.

7 Lies Our Culture Tells About Sex

ctually, some women do enjoy porn.
For all we have made great strides in the field of sex research and become more open to discussing the subject as a society, certain aspects of human sexuality remain taboo. We believe the lies and mishegoss that we hear from others as we grow up, and cling to these untruths for reasons we can't fathom even as we hold them tight. To that end, we've assembled seven lies about sex that are prevalent in our culture, and that frankly make our staff laugh a little.
1. Women don't respond to porn: Okay, for a lot of women, the majority of porn might not be our favorite thing, but that doesn't mean we don't have a response. Dr. Lindsey Doe reported that 1/3 of women have admitted to watching porn, and experienced a positive physical response.

2. Sex will always hurt for the woman the first time: Depending on the extent to which a woman relaxes and is aroused, and the skill of her partner, there is no reason sex has to hurt, and certainly not to the extent that certain literature, media and old wives' tales would lead us to believe.
3. Sex = Love: Yeah, not so much. Sometimes sex is just sex. Though the release of certain chemicals in the brain causes people to bond more intensely, it is important to remember that sex is not the only thing to base a relationship on. You also have to factor in compatibility, stability, emotional intimacy, and a million other things to enter into a loving relationship.
4. Hymens "rip": Untrue. The hymen can actually take many forms, and unless a woman is born with an imperforate hymen (with no opening, requiring small surgical intervention) the hymen will stretch, but not rip during normal intercourse. Depending on the elasticity of the membrane, it can return to its original condition over time.
5. All women bleed when they lose their virginity: While for some women, this is indeed true (and varies in intensity from woman to woman), it is not a guarantee for everyone. In fact, in a 1998 study by Dr. Sara Patterson-Brown, published in the British Medical Journal, 63% of women questioned reported not bleeding their first time.

6. Men and women peak at the same time: Alas, this is untrue. Though everyone's sexuality develops at different rates, in general men hit their testosterone peak around 18 and women around 28. That's not to say that you can't have fantastic, fulfilling sex all through your life. That comes down to your bond with your partner. In this case, we're only discussing hormones, not your ability to create an intimate, charged connection.
7. Only attractive people have hot sex: Now this one is just ridiculous. As long as you are attracted to your partner, and engage in consensual, mutually satisfactory sex, you are going to have a good time.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214814/7-lies-our-culture-tells-about-sex-love-orgasm-hymen#ixzz30vtskizB

Hungry? 7 Healthy Aphrodisiacs To Eat For Hotter Sex Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214822/eat-these-healthy-aphrodisiac-foods-hotter-sex#ixzz30vtddgFO

Your dietary guide to getting it on.

Have a special date night planned?
Listen up because you are not going to want to miss this. Science has proven that eating these foods will increase your sex drive for your big day. For example, aside from making your breath fresh, mint also calms you down and sets the mood. (Can you say, "yummy"?) Not only do these sexy foods put you and your partner in the mood for the deed, they also have health benefits! So get munchin'.

Must-Watch: New Yorkers Reveal How They Lost Their Virginity Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214903/must-watch-video-new-yorkers-virginity-loss-first-time-sex#ixzz30vtVxoaU

Hey, everyone has an interesting story to tell!

Everyone has a story about their first time. Mostly, they aren't glamorous. In this day and age we expect their first sexual partner to be a former flame. Or perhaps not even a flame, but one of those people we are embarrassed we even gave the time of day.
The story will probably be about a gross, strange, short and uncomfortable first encounter with an act we have heard so much about—sex. It's certainly a coming of age story that can lend itself to comedy and luckily Ilana Glazer aka Chronic Gamer Girl, is around to take the comedic opportunity to take a video of strangers telling these stories.
Watch New Yorkers of all ages, sexual orientations, sexes spill their first time stories to the comedian while she cracks a few jokes and even flirts with them.

Season Of Love: 5 Reasons May Is Going To Be A Total Sex Fest

You can thank Mother Nature from waking you from your sexless winter hibernation.

It's the first day in the month of May and in case you haven't peeked outside yet, spring has arrived! Buds are blossoming into flowers. Babies are being born and kids are running out to play. The warm sun is breaking ... and couples everywhere are feeling a little friskier than they have in the past few winter months. You can thank Mother Nature from waking you from your sexless winter hibernation.
The history of May Day harkens back to thousands of years ago, rooted in the Celtic festival of Beltane, which, in its heyday was basically a riotous sex party. May Day means ushering in the season of love (and lovemaking — wink wink) and here is some hard research that proves those ancient May Day revelers weren't so far off mark.

More from YourTango: San Francisco Woman Takes Cyber Love To A New Level

1. Peak babymaking occurs in the springtime.
In the northern hemisphere where there are drastic seasonal differences, scientists found that couples were getting pregnant the most in the spring. Why? Hopeful parents-to-be are having a little more fun in the sun! Scientists at Austria's University of Graz conducted a study and found that women ovulate more in the springtime. The secret? Sunshine! Vitamin D helps boost a woman's sex hormones progesterone and estrogen by 13 percent and 21 percent respectively. Additionally, the production of Melanocyte Stimulating Hormone (MSH) and serotonin have been directly linked to sunlight exposure. All of these chemicals combined make a strong sexytime cocktail. They help regulate a woman's menstrual cycle and boost her sex drive, making a little miracle more likely.
2. And at the same time, babies are being born all over the place.
Historically speaking — specifically from the late 1700s up until the '40s — there was a peak birth rate in the month of March. This pattern indicates a peak conception period in late spring and early summer — meaning May Day!
3. Online porn searches are at an all-time high.
Even though the sun is inviting us to go out and "play," some are still hiding from the dark of their homes. Citing a study published in the journal Archives Of Sexual Behavior, researchers tracked Google keyword searches in the United States for pornography, prostitution and dating sites over the course of five years. The real-time results indicated that search volume surrounding naughtier terms peaked between the winter and early summer — springtime, that is.
4. There's all that eyecandy to ogle.
In a poll conducted by the Associated Press-Weather Underground, people agree that spring is the designated season of love: it's prime time to fall in love, date around, meet someone new or get married. Additionally, two-thirds of people polled find potential more attractive in shorts and bathing suits than bundled up in heavy sweaters and boots. Not exactly a surprise there, but it bears repeating what's on everyone's minds!

5. Spring simply gets us in "the mood."
In a survey conducted by Wet Intimacy Products, 78 percent of respondents announced they feel sexier when the temperature starts to rise. Hence, alot of sexytime starts to occur. Thirty-eight percent of the same respondents admitted that they find their inhibitions are lower in the warm months: nearly half are more likely to flirt with a stranger and 38 percent are more likely to have a one night stand.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214937/season-love-reasons-may-day-going-be-sex-fest#ixzz30vtQMylo

What Men & Women Really Think Of These 7 Sex Positions

Same sex position, different points of view.

Sex is … complicated. Of course it can also be mind-blowing, surprising, awkward, or even flat-out horrible, depending on chemistry, levels of physical attraction and arousal, mood lighting, etc.
Like we've done in the past, we decided to interview men and women about their position-preferences for a few different ones, and it's safe to say that we got some, er, colorful responses.

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1. Sex On A Chair
He Said: "I dig this one. It gives me more control of her hips than when I'm lying down and she’s on top, plus it feels a little bit dirtier. And banging her from behind while she's draped over the arm of the couch is always fun too." - Nick, 31
She Said: "Riding him on my knees while he's seated in a chair or on the couch is my absolute favorite position. You get the control of being on top, but it feels more intimate because he’s in an upright position and is closer to you, can be whispering dirty things in your ear, all that jazz." – Stephanie, 23
2. Legs Over His Shoulders
He Said: "This one is great for the guy because the penetration is so much deeper, plus the visual angle is great because we have a great view of going in and out of her. That's always hot." - Tim, 27
She Said: "I personally don't like legs on his shoulders. I feel like a lot of younger guys I've had sex with use this as a go-to because there's a lot of hype that women like it, but honestly unless your super flexible and already accommodated to his penis size, this position is uncomfortable and can be a little too much. Plus, everything is like, all scrunched up. Definitely not the most flattering angle." – Jenna, 22
3. Laying On The Bed While He's Standing Up
He Said: "It's usually a quickie if we're having sex like this, but I like it because I get to see her boobs bounce around so much." – Ryan, 26
She Said: "I like this position because I usually got into it because he threw me onto the bed, which is incredibly sexy. You have to make sure no one else is home though, because it's definitely pretty obvious when the bed is creaking out of control." - Brianne, 24
4. Guys Holding Girl Up
He Said: "It's always hard to have to hold the girl up, but its also really fun every once in a while. Definitely on her birthday." – Sam, 22
She Said: "I love it. It makes me feel like a rockstar because he's holding me up. Plus, it's very animalistic." – Tanya, 23
5. Shower Sex
He Said: "Appealing until you do it, but then you realize that there's not a lot of space and it kind of sucks." – Andrew, 23
She Said: "Well, water washes away any and all … uh, natural lubricants, so, that makes it less fun." – Michelle, 33
6. 69
He Said: "I hate when it gets to the point where your really getting to enjoy yourself, and then she stops giving you head because she’s enjoying herself." Mark, 30
She Said: "I would literally hate for a guy to be on top when we’re 69ing. I would shove him off of me and be like ‘What are you doing?!’ He'd be crushing me.” –Brianne, 24
7. Cowgirl
"A lot of times they want to do certain motions to get them off in terms of clitoral stimulation, but it’s not really doing too much for me. Which is all good, go ahead and do it, but I will say that’s not my favorite part." – Nick, 31

“I hate when guys try to change the motion and I’m like wait I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for me! Jeez just give me a minute.” Alyssa, 23

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/2014214946/what-men-women-really-think-these-7-sex-positions#ixzz30vtDRjTW

How to Ace a First Date in NYC Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/marina-margulis/how-ace-first-date-nyc#ixzz30vn2xc2z

She agreed to go out with you. Now what?

The women of New York City are bold and beautiful; smart and stylish; sophisticated and experienced. If you’re about to take one of them out on a date for the first time, you better know how to treat her.

Contrary to popular belief, there are dos and don’ts of a first date. And knowing the proper way to treat a woman the first time you take her out has many benefits beyond landing a second date. Need some tips? Here is how to ace a first date in the Big Apple.

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Enhance Your Image
Most women consider first dates very important. Even if it’s at a casual location, it’s still a formal event. For this reason, it’s important to look your best and dress according to the tone of the restaurant or meeting place. But looking your best is easier said than done. How do you know what type of clothes look good on your frame? Should you leave your beard or shave it off? If you need a little assistance in this area, consider hiring a professional image consultant. The vital lessons you will learn from an image consultant can help you enhance your personal style and look your best.

Live in the Moment
Even if you look your best, a bad attitude can ruin your first date. Instead, live in the moment. How? Forget about what happened yesterday or even five minutes before you got to the date. Focus on things that will bring you two together instead of bad stories that might scare her away. Living in the moment also includes the way you look at her, the things you say, and how you say them. For example, what things can you say to show that you’re focusing on the other person?

Over 40 And Single? 10 Lies You Are Telling Yourself About Love

Single and sick of it? Find out what you can do to change your behavior.

If you are a single woman over 40, you have a love history. You've been in relationships before and you may want one now, but for whatever reason you haven't found the right person yet. Maybe you're divorced and frustrated with dating or haven't ventured back out to the dating pool. You could be a widow and unsure of ever finding another man like your husband. Perhaps you were in a live-in or long-term relationship that ended, so you're single again.
As a dating coach for women over 40, I know finding love the second time around (or even the first) is not easy. Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. So what's the problem?

More from YourTango: Think Again: Why You Shouldn't Ask Him Out

This might seem harsh, but you are likely telling yourself several lies about love after 40 that are hurting you. These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking. Clients come to me with these limiting ideas about dating, love and men and it's my job to help them turn things around. Working with me, women transform the lies to create opportunities. And that's how they manage to find love again!
Here are some of the lies you may be telling yourself that are preventing you from finding love.

All the good men are taken. This is what I hear most frequently from clients. However, thinking about this statistically, there just has to be good single men available since half the adult population in the U.S. is single. Men get divorced for the same reason women do; they grew apart from their wives, the wives cheated, or circumstances just changed. Some men had their heart broken earlier in life and are just recovering and ready now. There are lots of reasons why good men are single and looking for a woman like you. The fact is that now, more than any other time in history, there are a lot of people in their 40s, 50s and 60s who are single and looking for love. So don’t believe that there are no good men out there!
I already had my one shot at love. Widows often believe this, particularly if they had a wonderful relationship with their husbands. They come away thinking that they will never find such a good man again. However, this is exactly the reason why it is possible; if you found great love once, you can certainly do it again. You have the track record for success. Consider your circumstances differently and recognize that you are a magnet for love, since your energy is filled with loving thoughts from your past.
Looking for love is not worth the trouble. Dating is tough and you may reach a point when you feel that it is too exhausting and too much effort. But that feeling is just a symptom of your belief that you don't think it's possible to find love. On the other hand, if you really believe that you will find love, then you know every man you meet brings you one step closer to finding the right man for you. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find my adorable husband. Was I ever sad, disappointed or disgusted? Of course! But I would remind myself that I was on the path to find love and nothing was going to get in my way. So nothing did. It took dating 30 men, but it was completely worth every bad date and heartbreak along the way. Dating is a process. Be in it to win and find the love you deserve.
If the guy's not a 10, I can't be bothered. If you feel this way, you will surely be single for a long time! After 40, the chances of Mr. Right knocking on your door are zero. You are going to have to get off the couch and do your part to cross paths with lots of men. Dating is a numbers game so the more men you meet, the better your chances for finding the love you want. Will every man you meet be perfect? Of course not! Most of the men you meet will not be right. But you don't need them to be because you only need one. In addition, no man is perfect (and neither are you). The perfect man does not exist; he is a myth and a fairytale. However, I guarantee there is a man who is the right one for you. Get over this idea of perfection or you will stay single.
He's not as great as my girlfriends. I'm often surprised when a woman compares the men she dates to her girlfriends. Seriously? How could a man ever compare to your girlfriends? Men are not like women! They are dramatically different. We are not brought up the same, we have different innate skill sets, and our brains are wired differently. We may be equals, but that does not make us the same. Expecting a man to be like your girlfriends means he is bound to fail. Most men will never be as thoughtful or have the same depth of understanding as your girlfriends. However, that doesn't mean that men don't have their own amazing contribution to make to your life. The right man expands and enhances your life in ways your girlfriends never will. My advice is to let go of this idea, because it will prevent you from finding the love you want.
Most men are liars, cheats and players. Women who have been burned by a man (or know people who have) tend to believe this, which I can understand. As your dating coach, I ask you to consider whether it can really be true that all men are like this. Mathematically, it is just not possible. There are definitely men who do not cheat, lie or refuse to settle down. Personally, I found a man who is not like that and I have many clients who have also found a fabulous, moral guy. When you believe that all men are terrible, you will look for evidence that your viewpoint is correct. If you believe men are wonderful, you will see examples to support that. Start looking for examples of quality men and you will notice that they are all around you.
I never meet any interesting men. After 12 years of being a dating coach, one thing I know for sure about women who say this is that it's not that they don’t meet interesting men — they don’t meet any men at all! These women usually aren't active and don't date much or interact with men. So it’s no surprise that don't meet anyone interesting. I was like this myself before I got serious about finding love. Another note about wanting someone "interesting.” I've noticed many women find nice men to be boring, and bad boys to be interesting. Yes, a bad boy's unpredictable and aloof personality does make him intriguing and you want to unravel the mystery. He becomes a challenge for you to win over. However, a bad boy won't change his stripes for you and won't be good relationship material. If you insist on dating bad boys, count on heartbreak and torturous love affairs that do not satisfy.
There aren't any single men where I live. One of my clients, Sally, insisted that all of the men in her town were married. This is similar to the #1 lie that all the good men are taken, but with a local spin. Granted, some areas do have more married than single people. But overall, 50% of adult Americans are not hitched, so they must live near you too. Through coaching, Sally, who had lost her ability to notice men, was able to open her eyes to the ones around her and find one for herself.
Men today do not want a relationship. Let's refer to Lie #6 about all men being liars, cheaters and players; obviously, generalizations don't hold much water. While not all men want a long-term relationship, there are certainly some who do. If you want love, you need to do your part to meet plenty of men and screen them. Coach Amy Schoen says one way to know if a man is serious about finding love is the way he talks about his life and dating. For example, if the guy you meet mentions moving or how much he loves women, he's probably not ready settle down. If he says he's tired of dating, he might be more serious about finding love. There are definitely men out there who would be thrilled to fall in love with you, but you need to do your part.
I don't have time to date. This is something women tell themselves constantly. Yes, I know you are busy. But you make time for what you decide is important. To find love, you'll need to make it a priority. Carve time out of your calendar at least once a week to meet new people. If you cannot do that, you don't really want to find love. When I was looking for my husband, I went out at least once a week to a singles group or dance. Plus, I met men through personal ads (online dating was not popular yet in 1998) and had at least one coffee date, if not more, every weekend. You need to create the space in your schedule to find the love you want. If you say you just don't have it, I understand. But you also need to admit that love is not a priority for you. There is no shame in that because finding love takes effort and requires a strong desire to take the necessary steps.

I hope reviewing these lies opened your mind to new ways of looking at dating over 40. Once I found love, I dedicated my life to helping single women over 40 make that dream come true for them as well. Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it!

Are you a woman over 40 struggling to find love? Get the sage advice for women dating after 40 that has been proven to work over and over again and has helped thousands. Get my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away so I can help you find love with the right man more easily and avoid heartbreaking pitfalls along the way.

Read more: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/coach-ronnie-ann-ryan/10-lies-you-tell-yourself-get-way-love#ixzz30vmtzeFS

The Pursuit of Happiness

Intriguing facts (and a few opinions) about happiness...

It is our constitutional right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Now, if only this came with a specific set of instructions. I’m fairly certain that our fore-fathers long ago wrote these words with the best of intentions. I have a feeling they may have been happier then we are today even while living in world without TVs, computers and smart phones. The pursuit of happiness concept can seem a bit tricky. I will define “happiness” as “contentment” or “satisfaction” but with an edge of meaningfulness and purpose to it.
There exists a lot of good research on what really makes us “happy,” and some of it may surprise you. Some of us are in fact, born happier than others. But, how much of a role does our genetics play in our degree of happiness or unhappiness? It may actually be close to half! Yikes!!! However, before you decide to completely blame biology for your misery, keep reading.

More from YourTango: New Year, New You: 14 Bad Habits To Avoid in 2014

“Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.” - Democritus
How many of you have said to yourself, if I only had ______ I would be happy. If you haven’t ever said this to yourself, you are lying! The truth is that in the short term, you might be happier, but then we generally return to our previous level of happiness thereafter. This is akin to the “set point” theory of weight. It seems there is one for happiness too.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” – Khalil Gibran
If you have never experienced pain, you will not know what happiness is either. A person must experience a full range of emotions life has to offer. Sometimes painful and tragic things happen to us is that are unavoidable. It should not, however, prevent us from obtaining happiness again.
“Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Mindfulness brings happiness. This is a powerful tool for staying in the present moment that brings about happiness. I believe that looking at the past makes a lot of people depressed and looking too far into the future makes people anxious. It is much more productive to stay focused on the here and now. Akin to mindfulness is the concept of “flow.” This is a state of effortless concentration and enjoyment when you are savoring the present moment. This happens when we are deeply engaged in a sport, activity or hobby.
“Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

More from YourTango: 10 Tips for a Healthy Post-Divorce Adjustment

Happiness lies in the “chase.” Action toward goals is what makes us happy. Once you meet that goal, chances are you are going to create more goals to pursue. I emphasize the plural – goals.
“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” – Albert Einstein

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Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!